


Farewell, My Daughter

by Beleriandings



Category: The Silmarillion and other histories of Middle-Earth - J. R. R. Tolkien
Genre: Gen, mothers and daughters and sisters
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-07-26
Updated: 2014-07-26
Packaged: 2018-02-10 13:53:30
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 958
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2027517
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Beleriandings/pseuds/Beleriandings
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Lalwen says goodbye to her mother and sister before she leaves for Middle Earth.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Farewell, My Daughter

“Oh Írimë…” Indis’ face was pained, and she clutched a slightly apologetic-looking Findis’ hand tightly. “You don’t mean to tell me… that you’re going  _with_  your brothers, do you…?”

Lalwendë turned to face her mother and sister, raising her head. “Why are you so surprised? Why should I not go across the sea?”

“Because…” Indis gestured around them. “I know it’s your own choice. But I’m worried about you, my dear. Why not stay here, with me and your sister? Ñolwë would understand, many have chosen - ”

“Amil, you don’t understand… I’m not going for  _Ñolwë_ , I’m going for me. Findis, you have your husband and children to hold you here, but I… well, there’s nothing for me in Tirion.” The words came out a little more harshly than she had intended, and she regretted them immediately. “No, I didn’t mean - ”

“How could you  _say_ that?” said Findis sharply, her voice rising high. “Amil is staying here. I am staying here. Does that mean nothing to you?”

 

Lalwendë pinched the bridge of her nose, closing her eyes. “I’m… Findis, no. I didn’t mean it like - ”

“You didn’t meant it like that?” snapped Findis. “Then pray tell me, how did you mean it?”

“Findis” said Indis in a quelling tone. “Please. Írimë - ”

“ _Don’t_  call me that.” Lalwendë knew she was behaving like a child and it was not helping her case.

Indis sighed. “Lalwendë. No one is suggesting you are choosing between anyone. Not - ”

Lalwendë rounded on her, suddenly angry at her mother’s calm and soothing tone. “Oh, but everyone is suggesting exactly that. That’s the thing. Atar is  _dead_ , Amil, in case you hadn’t noticed.” She almost relished her mother’s wince at her words.”I want  _revenge_. I want a new life across the sea just as much as Ñolofinwë does, and probably more than Arafinwë does, but for them it’s not about choosing which of their family members they love more” – she rolled her eyes – “for them it’s about duty, it’s about leadership and honour and…” she frowned. “I’m as good with a sword as either of my brothers, and possibly a better politician. Ñolwë trusts my advice more than anyone’s. If I had been born male, then no one would suggest that I was choosing them over you.” Bitterness crept into her voice. “They would call me valiant, self-sacrificing, a hero…” she felt herself fighting back tears, and cursed herself for it. “I’m sorry, Amil. It’s just… this place. You must understand, Findis was always so like you…” she gestured at Findis. “A golden Vanya, a perfect daughter, a perfect wife and mother. I mean, she was even good at poetry, for Eru’s sake, and painting, and singing and everything else your damn family on their high and mighty mountaintop excel at. Everything I am not.”

Indis’ face was twisted in pain. “No, Lalwendë, no, it was never like that. I love you both - ”

“Equally?” She felt the fury seeping from her, suddenly replaced by exhaustion. She sat down heavily on the chair by the window. “Yes… yes I know. But Amil…” she looked up at her mother. “You must understand… it didn’t always seem that way.”

Indis took her in her arms, holding Lalwendë close to her chest. Indis smelled of lavender, quite as she always had, and despite herself Lalwendë felt comforted by it.

“I’m sorry, my daughter” whispered Indis, stroking her hair. “I’m sorry if you’re leaving because of me. I’m sorry if you’ve ever felt unloved. I’m sorry for everything.”

Suddenly anger flared up in Lalwendë again and she pulled away from the embrace. “Were you not  _listening_? I told you, it’s nothing to do with you that I’m leaving. I made my own choice, for my own reasons, just as my brothers did.”

Indis frowned. “If I could dissuade your brothers from going…”

“…You would. Yes, I know. And yet with me, you keep trying, long after you’ve given up on them.” She felt brittle, destructive, knowing that she was about to say something she would later regret. “Did the Valar on Taniquetil teach you that daughters must listen to their mothers while sons may do as they choose? In which case, I’m glad I grew up in Tirion, with a bit of Ñoldorin good sense.”

Indis opened her mouth, but it was Findis who spoke first, her voice stern and cutting. “Lalwendë,  _listen_  to yourself. How dare you say that to Amil? And you’re insulting me too, in case you hadn’t realised. You’re behaving like a child.”

Lalwendë knew it was true, suddenly feeling guilty. She let her hands drop to her sides from where they were balled into fists in front of her.

After a while, Indis’ arms slipped back around her shoulders again, and this time Lalwendë allowed her mother to hold her, letting silent tears fall into the shoulder of Indis’ dress. “I’m sorry” she murmured at last. “Amil, Findis… I’m so, so sorry. But I have to go. I hope you understand that I _need_  to do this.”

Indis held her at arms length, giving her an appraising look. Then she smiled sadly. “I know, my daughter.”

Lalwendë gave a little watery laugh. “It’s what I’ve wanted. I’ve been waiting for something like this for years.” She stared at Findis, searching her face.

Findis took both of Lalwendë’s hands in her own and kissed the bunched fingers. “I know, little sister. I know. You were never going to be like me, and I was never going to be like you. That’s just how the world is.”

Indis smiled, brushing back a curl of Lalwendë’s hair that had fallen over her face. “Farewell, my daughter. Look after your brothers for us.”

Lalwendë smiled. “I will, Amil. I will.”


End file.
